Stories of digital relationships
Today I want to share with you a couple of personal anectodes from my past – instead of the usual bite-sized food for thought and questionable questions.
Why so?
Well, Manu is hosting the IndieWeb Carnival for this month.
And I think that’s great for many reasons, among which:
- The topic is Digital Relationships. I love it – and, it’s so Manu.
- It is a prompt to write, with a clear deadline (that I almost missed).
- I was thinking that my blog could get a bit more personal, so there’s that.
Once upon a time
I was an unconventional child, as pretty much all children are. But I kinda sensed something wrong with being different and wanted to be more like others.
Except I couldn’t. I had a vivid imagination and a keen intelligence. But I just did not feel understood by other kids and adults, nor could I understand them.
Even so, for many years I considered my childhood the happiest time of my life. I think I had a pretty great time, but sensitivity is a double-edged sword.
And boy, was that little kid sensitive!
What I struggled the most with were social relationships. So much so that, during the messy years of preadolescence, I had almost given up.
At some point, I was acting straight-out weird. I’d keep my thoughts to myself, and sometimes I wouldn’t bother to reply even when directly addressed.
Even after that period passed, in my early teens I wasn’t able to maintain eye contact, and I would always look down when talking with other people.
Eventually, I have become quite talkative and sociable. But self-esteem, conficence, and social skills are something I truly had to teach myself.
That’s a story for another time, though.
Digital relationships
You see, in such conditions it wasn’t easy for me to express myself socially! But what the so-called “real life” lacked, the digital world easily made up for.
I quickly understood (and felt) that the divide between “virtual” and “real” was not nearly as wide as people perceived it, and definitely less scary.
I grew up in such a time when there was no Facebook, and you were not supposed to reveal your name or identity to random strangers on the internet.
Still, online I found out the meaning and the value of deep human connections.
I met my first true friends, with whom I could laugh and talk and trust and confide in, sharing our deepest secrets and teen angst.
Many people don’t get to have that. Either online or offline. I was lucky.
These “virtual relationships” lasted several years, and when we grew up we even had a few chances to meet in person, by the way. It was awesome.
Tinder ante litteram
I’ve got another story for you.
My first girlfriend? You guessed it: I met her online.
Now, remember how I said there was no Facebook? Let me tell you another thing: meeting people on the web was considered to be pretty much for losers.
I think I’ve been one of the first people in my generation to ever use MSN (oh please) and online forums, although I have no data to back up this claim.
Anyhow, I still remember how we often said that we met each other thanks to a common friend, which was partly true, rather than telling the whole truth.
Basically, we were both on the same forum about a Finnish band. And at some point, there finally was a meetup in a city close enough to where we lived.
I was thrilled to attend it, and meet like-minded young people.
(Or maybe meet other “black sheeps”, I might even say – but that’s an inside joke I have no time to explain in details, lest this post becomes book-sized.)
So, anyway, that’s how we first met. After that, we kept on chatting for some time, before we decided to meet again. This time with no folk.
She had made a mix CD for me. I remember the bench we sit on when we first kissed, how nervous I was, and how sweet she was. I cherish this memory.
And none of this would’ve ever happened, if I hadn’t trusted that the “virtual” people beyond the screen can be even realer than the “real” ones.
Moral of the stories?
To be honest, I don’t know what you can make of all this.
If there even is a bottom line, you tell me what it could be.
I just wanted to share my experience. Because someday, somewhere, another real person might read these digital words – and feel they’re not alone.
And let me reassure you: you are not alone!