Human space
Once upon a time, every space was unsafe.
People would judge you every time, everywhere, every little thing you did.
You could never let your guard down and be your authentic self. Especially if your authentic self dared to be different than the Currently Accepted Standard.
So, someone came up with a great idea: a safe space.
Hey! – they thought – I’m sick and tired of all this shit, it’s a jungle out there, why don’t we create a space where we can bring our authentic selves?
And it was a good idea. It was glorious (at first).
People would come into a safe space and be vulnerable, it was working. At first.
Then, some people inside the so-called safe space made that space unsafe again. They kept judging and obstructing authenticity, knowingly or not.
The Currently Accepted Standard was different now, but that was the only difference between a safe space and unsafe ones.
Safe spaces became echo chambers. Vulnerability did not work anymore.
Except if you fully abode by the Currently Accepted Standard, of course.
So, seeing all this, someone else came up with another great idea. Maybe even greater than the previous one: a brave space.
Hey! – they thought – most safe spaces feel the opposite of safe, why don’t we create a space where we can actually bring our authentic selves?
And it was a good idea. It was glorious (at first).
Then… I’ll let you guess what happened.
So, what next?
Coming up with a “safe & brave space” can’t really be the solution.
We would end up like bad version control for documents (“thesis final revision definitive this time 4realsies I SWEAR.pdf” – if you know what I mean).
Here’s what I think: like most complex stuff, this doesn’t have an easy fix.
I think spaces are wonderful when they are really and actually safe, but that’s pretty rare and it’s usually not an off-on switch.
I think spaces are not set in stone, they are made of people. And people change, and different people at different times create different spaces.
I think one of the most important spaces (if not the most important) is the one within ourselves. And the ones we contribute creating.
We all have our stories, our flaws, our traumas even.
That’s why the more people you put in a space, the less safe it may become.
But ultimately, even a space of one can be unsafe and toxic, and even a single drop of gasoline can contaminate a whole glass of water.
There would be so much more to say about it, but my time ran out for now.
I’ll leave you some references though, in case you’d like to delve deeper!
1. An invitation to a brave space is a poem I found written down on a paper a couple of years ago. I looked it up and found out it was attributed to Micky Scottbey Jones, except I could not find any mention of it on her website. Upon further inquiries, it appeared that she either plagarized or was inspired by an untitled poem by Beth Strano. I don’t really know (nor care about) what actually happened, so I’ll give the benefit of the doubt. Anyways, you can easily find both versions online. I’ll put a link here, hoping it wouldn’t rot too soon: Brave Space + Untitled Poem.
2. Are you a giver or a taker? – a TED talk by Adam Grant.
It’s not really about safe spaces at all. But it’s a pretty influential talk, and I remember towards the end Adam mentioned something about weeding out people who are disruptive to the group. I haven’t seen the talk for many years now, but this bit really stuck with me from the first time. The main idea is pretty good as well, though (so I’d just generally recommend it to anyone who has 13 minutes to spare).
Anyhow, I think “weeding out” (i.e. setting clear boundaries and honoring them) can be a pretty healthy form of protection and even care. And it also reminds me of the last reference for this post.
3. The paradox of tolerance by Karl Popper.
He was a philosopher who argued that too much tolerance leads to intolerance.
In a nutshell, and simplifying his argument: if you set up no boundaries at all, then someone else will come along with their own and force them upon you.